Growing up cross-culturally in Thailand and America has been the life of a biracial young adult, me, Leatha! Traveling back and forth between the two countries, growing and adapting to the constant changes of both cultures, has been all I’ve ever known. I’ve always been grateful for my full-time education in America, yet half of me always wanted to know what it would be like to live “full-time” in Thailand and have my education where I consider my second life. This was a major factor in my decisions of picking my early fall study abroad in Thailand and Cambodia. Being able to check off studying in my motherland while for the purpose of my business major was the perfect choice for me, and a dream my inner child always wanted to achieve. From August 19th to September 9th, we traveled to four locations in Thailand, Bangkok, Khao Lak, Khao Sok, and Pattaya, all which were drastically different in dialects, food, environment, and weather. On top of that, we were able to travel to Siem Reap, Cambodia for four days of our trip and experience the life of villages and fields that we were unable to experience while in the city, jungle, and beaches of Thailand. It was truly an all-in-one adventure. Being Thai, it might sound surprising that the Cambodian villages we visited felt much more at home to me rather than the places we had been in Southern Thailand. Both places I experienced for the first time, besides Bangkok city (which I am usually rarely in). Considering my mom’s hometown in Thailand is a very small village named Ban Phut Sa in the North, I was able to feel comfortable in the Cambodian village, reflecting the rural vibes of my mom’s hometown in Thailand.
Circling back to the main purpose of the trip, the corporate social responsibility ethics that we researched and visited multiple businesses about, was even more interesting than I had ever thought it would’ve been. It made me realize that I truly do enjoy business, considering every aspect of the different CSR businesses we went to was so different from one another. One company in particular that still sticks with me, was TQPR Asia in Bangkok which was the only meeting that correlated directly to my marketing concentration interests. They talked about business strategies and how they worked with people in the industry of media and entertainment, which also included CSR steps and how working with ethical people/businesses is able to be accomplished. I was able to realize how CSR is applicable to any place, business, person, and is a very important ethical step to incorporate in business. On top of that, we also visited animal foundations that correlated to CSR and the ethics of animals being elephants, turtles, monkeys, in the beaches of Khao Lak and jungle of Khao Sok, while also visiting corporations in Bangkok about how buildings are ethically made and how to sustainability keep a business running with hotels and travel companies.
Our days were packed and my mind was always racing with CSR and business, however underneath the purpose of the trip, what I didn’t realize prior, was that I would be facing and questioning my biracial self-identity directly, experiencing situations I never thought I would before.
My prior visits to Thailand have always been with my Thai family, never once being questioned whether I was Thai in areas that had little to no foreigners or even in places with foreigners. Growing up I had always known that I looked like my dad (aka looking more White) yet I was always more confident in expressing my Thai roots. Past trips my mom was always with me, or my Thai cousins, so everyone would assume that I was Thai and able to understand and communicate just the same (although a bit lacking in comparison to my English skills). This study abroad trip was the first time I had ever been to Thailand without my mom or family around me, which was a totally different experience I never knew would happen. I came into the trip so strong and excited to experience my second home independently while getting to know myself even more. Which was what happened, just with more baggage on top. Unlike other times, everywhere I had been throughout this study abroad trip, I was treated as a foreigner. At first this was a bit of a shock, even when I spoke Thai to the waitresses in Khao Sok. When I attempted to communicate in Thai, I was always met with responses in English, with a look of confusion as to why I was speaking Thai. If I’m being honest, I felt the smallest I had ever felt, feeling like my identity of being Thai was taken from me. I know that must sound very dramatic, but after being comfortable and accepted for nineteen years of my life, this was a different reaction I had received. Not until one of my peers told the waitress I was Thai was when they had the realization, even then I was meant with responses that I “don’t look Thai”, and that I look like a “falung” (a white person in a mocking manner, which I experienced being called as a child, in hurtful ways being biracial). This wouldn’t be my first rodeo to hear those things, however, these remarks were all made with my family by my side, I had never been faced with this in Thailand on my own. I felt so alone in the way people perceived me and there was a waiver in my confidence of my biracial identity that I had never felt before during this trip.
Luckily with the help of my Global Scholars course I took in the Spring of 2023, I was able to open up to my peers on the trip with me. In Global Scholars, in preparation for our summer study abroad, we were taught to encourage reflection at the end of everyday to acknowledge everyone’s feelings in a foreign, or not so foreign, place for everyone to be heard. I’ve always felt that being honest and able to express how you’re feeling in times of discomfort, is incredibly important, and I was able to open up about these struggles of my biracial identity in Thailand during this trip. This was an amazing opportunity to feel relieved and realize that others have had similar experiences, that I wasn’t alone.
After visiting Cambodia for the first time, I was surprised at how comfortable I was there and how well I adapted and felt like myself. I didn’t feel like I had to bump heads with others to get across my Thai and American identity. I was able to just be me, in a place I didn’t have any connection to. This made me realize that it wasn’t the place or the people making me waiver with my identity, it was myself.
I became confident again, realizing that only I need to know my identity and it isn’t relevant what people perceive of me. I felt comfortable going back to Thailand and not forcing others to know that I am Thai, instead I just naturally let it happen, and if a reaction didn’t go the way I would’ve liked, I worked on not taking it personally. Definitely having such a great cohort of peers on this study abroad trip helped incredibly when I was able to reflect and open up to them. I never would have thought that this CSR business trip would be more than just learning about my passions of business and wanting to gain more knowledge in my second home, rather I learned more about myself and became solidified in my knowledge of how I perceive myself and my biracial identity, embracing every part.
